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Post by fico on Feb 1, 2004 22:43:42 GMT -5
2.1.o4
YOU DON'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND, I'VE THOUGHT THIS OUT ALL THAT I CAN / YOU DON'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND, I DON'T THINK THAT YOU CAN.
Sun. 9:07pm. I've been feeling strange lately. Lots of things are happening in lots of areas of my life, and none of them seem connected. (Watch, I'll be forty and re-reading this, and I'll laugh at the lack-of-perspective freshman have.) Like, I've been thinking about things that seem to not effect each other, even though I'm sure they do.
Sexuality, for one. I've been having a lot of... interesting thoughts. And I think I have to change one or two of the things I'm doing right now. It's just a question of getting up the will-power to do it, you know? Becuase when you're used to being a certain way or feeling a certain way or acting a certain way, it's really difficult to suddenly try to change that. People are addicted to being who they think they are. And it's hard as all get-out to find one that really changes.
And classes. I've been thinking about classes, about which ones to take and why, and which ones are good for me and why. I've just been thinking about it a lot. (The petitions committee didn't like that I don't have my life planned out until I'm married with children. So a friend and I spent an hour or two today planning out my next three years at Coe. (Yeah, "planning".) So basically, I have to petition for these classes, because each and every full-credit works toward one of my three majors. (That's right. Apparently, I'm going to be an English / Philosophy / Gender Studies major, with one semester abroad.) It's all bullshit. Every word of this essay I'm about to write will be complete bullshit. And you don't have to be a Biology major to know that, either. But anyway. I suppose I'm okay with completely lying out my ass. I give something, they give something, fair enough, right? I dunno. It feels like a complete sell-out. The problem is, if I don't do it this way, I'll either have to change the petitioning system at Coe (mundo-huge project to undertake), or I'll have to just keep writing essays that they keep denying. I swear. With the time I spend trying to get my petition to go through, it's like I've got a sixth class. If they would just give me the petition already, I would do better in all my classes, and then they couldn't complain about my fucking GPA1. But yeah. If I can just reconcile myself into selling out for a little bit, then I'm planning on trying to get the petition-procedure changed. I mean, I really am mad that it's so contrary for everything that Coe tries to stand for. So I'm going to write an essay and submit it to The Pearl, an on-campus publication. And I'll also either write an article or get a friend to write an article for the newspaper. Basically, I want to show Coe that a bunch of students are displeased with the petitioning process. They already know that some professors don't like it, but the professors never had any students to back them up before. So yeah. That's the plan. ... I just really don't want to write that essay.
Friends are kind of weird, too. I'm not relating to people the way I used to. I'm much more of a recluse than I ever was before. It's strange. I either really don't want to see people or I really don't want to be alone. I don't think that's too healthy, but I'm not sure how to change it. Like, Friday night for instance. I had big plans, I had been planning it for ages. I was going to go to the first half of the Drag Show that Coe holds every year, and then I was going to walk to the concert hall for the John Gorka concert. I had to force myself to go to the Drag Show, and even then I barely spoke. (A lot of this had to do with the fact that I showed up late. (Hadn't showered all day. Boys were looking better in dresses than I ever could, so I had to look good. Shut up, all of you. ) Got there, looking all spiffy in a black shirt (was surprised that I actually look good in black) and an Hungarian vest, and found that I had to sit in an aisle seat with someone I don't know very well next to me. He apparently had had the aisle seat, and when my group got there, he moved into my saved seat to talk to them. By the time I got there, he just moved his coat onto my chair and I had to sit next to him. He's not a bad guy or anything. I just don't like that I think he has a crush on one of my friends (he was sitting next to her), and I don't like that he kept me from sitting next to said friend, who was the only reason I convinced myself to go to the Drag Show. The show turned out well though. I just had to imagine that no one existed except me and the performers. But yeah. The performers were really good. It was a lot of fun.
School and classes are off, too. I sort of loop this in with friends being weird. It's really just that I'm relating to people differently than I used to. So I'm not relating to my professors the same or anything. I dunno.
And then things have been up with one of my friends. Things just feel big, and I either feel big but miniscule in comparison, or just small all-together. No fun either way.
But it's not actually bad like it sounds. It's just really different, and I'm not sure how to handle it yet.
*edit* On a happier note (since it's important to have happier notes, whether you end on them or not), I did two really good things. I started a song, and it's going well. And I started a story, and it is also going well. Yay for happy creativity.
_______________________
1. note: There are three professors on the petitions committee. One is a humanities guy, he votes for me. One is an accountant, he's against me from the GPA. One is a Biology prof, he's against me because I don't have my entire life planned out. Turns out they did consider me, and they did discuss me. I wasn't just rubber-stamped or anything. But still. They're defeating the entire purpose of a petition committee.
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Post by fico on Feb 10, 2004 13:01:20 GMT -5
2.10.o4
JUST TAKE IT EASY / JUST LAY BACK HERE WITH ME...I GOT YOU, I GOT YOU BABY..
Tues. 11:46am. Things are better. I talked things out with the people I had to talk things out with... Well. There's still one person I have to straighten things out with. But I've got no clue as to how to do that. I'm kind of just putzing along, waiting for divine inspiration or something.
I'm getting more involved. (Look at me go.) Right now, I'm procrastinating from writing an article for the school newspaper. And I'm forcing myself to spend more time with people other than 4th-floor-Murray. (Because, even though I hang out on 4th all the time, I really only hang out with two people. Not healthy. I mean, not to the extent it's gotten.) So I'm working on being a generally better person. Like, I'm working on actually doing the things I promise I'll do. (*ignores the article she has yet to write* ) And I'm promising to do more things. So it's all good.
Things are kind of really hectic this week, though. I've got to write that petition essay (I really don't want to), and I've got to write that article, and I've got two essays due on Friday, and I've got to work on revising the essay, "Clothing Myself in My Defenses". But yeah. I think I'll actually get it done and be pretty proud of it. So I'm happy.
Anyway. Gotta go. Got a shitload of work. I just wanted to let you all know that things are better than they were. Much better. Much busier, so that's stressing me like nothing else, but much better nonetheless.
twisted roads just take it easy, just lay back here with me...I got you, I got you baby..just take it easy...just close your eyes and drift off to sleep...I know the world is so unkind.. I know it's takin a long time.. I know it's hard to believe.. but things will work out you'll see... whether or not we travel the same road.. I just wanted you to know.. you'll always have a home in me.. just take it easy, just lay back here with me... I got you.. I got you baby.. just take it easy... don't you worry about me tonight.. let's just let ourselves be. I wanna' hold you close, wanna' touch your skin, I want to fall apart in your arms again... but it's time to let go, we'd 'a worked by now... at least we know we got our feet back on the ground... no more twisted roads...no more twisted words... no more tangled thoughts...no more I misheard... no what did you say.. no what did that mean... tonight those lines are there.. without the in-between. just take it easy, just lay back here with me...I got you.. I got you baby.. just take it easy.. just close your eyes and drift off to sleep.. --ellis
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Post by fico on Feb 21, 2004 12:32:24 GMT -5
2.21.o4
[FINGER-PICKED GUITAR RIFF: C - Am - Dm - G]
Sat. 11:15am. Lazy-feeling day. But I can't really be lazy. I've got to read half of The Phaedo by Plato, as well as the first two chapters of To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf, neither of which are really "light" reading. Plus, I've got at least three essays to write. And I've got some other homework, too. I dunno. I felt really run-down this week. (It was such a long one. I don't even know how I got through it, really. I've kind of hit over-drive mode in school. I kind of just chug along and hope I don't run out of steam. Then I recouperate a little on the weekends. But the weird part is that I'm enjoying it, despite the chugging involved.)
Last week was exciting. I got published in the school newspaper. (Was that last week? I think so. Either way, it was exciting.) And I went to Ames for this really cool thing, everyone here just calls it the Big Gay Conference. (Ellis was there. She was good. And we talked later the next day, though I wasn't interesting at all. ) It was really fun.
Oh, and dude, who wants to check out sexy women in Chicago sometime? link me Dude, they were so good. I'm particularly fond of Maxx Hollywood, Mr. Izzie Big, and Harley Poker. They were just really cool. And it was really fun talking to them later. There's good people.
dude... and they taught me how to put on facial hair. no lie.
Anyway. I've just been busy. But it's been good. I started a journal IRL. It's for a couple of my classes. (I've got two classes with Dr.Denim this semester...sort of. It's sort of confusing to explain, so I won't bother. The point is, he wants a sort of journal for both of them.) So I've been writing in there also. It takes a fair amount of energy, but I don't really like it as much as this one. Mainly because I have to address certain issues in that journal, and I'm not as interested in them.
Blah. This isn't an important post at all. I just wanted to type something out. For no real reason. I dunno. I just feel like I'm not really in touch with Trapdoor at all anymore. I felt like I had to make some sort of an effort to let you all know I'm still okay.
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Post by fico on Feb 24, 2004 19:44:59 GMT -5
2.24.o4
LAUGH WITH THE MEN, TAKE A HIT / LET'S PRETEND THAT I LIKE IT / IT'S A PRETTY GOOD LIFE WOULDN'TCHA SAY?
Tues. 6:31pm. Things have been weird in my head lately. Things themselves are fine... kind of. It's just other stuff.
Like, okay. Remember last year sometime, I couldn't tell what stuff really happened and what stuff I was imagining and what stuff I was dreaming? I just couldn't remember which was which. I had that again for a long time. A long time.
Revvie's sick. She's got pneumonia. Despite the fact that I sleep in the same bed as she does, I think I managed to avoid catching it. (The nurse said she would only be contagious for 48 hours after she started taking the anti-biotics, and she's been on them for a couple days. So unless my contraction of the desease is just stewing in my body, then I don't have it.)
Because she's sick, she stayed home from classes today. I don't have anything until 1:00 on Tuesdays, but she usually leaves her room at 7:15, so I'm up by then also. Today, I slept in until 11:00. It felt so good. I've felt so sleep-deprived lately. I'm kind of just chugging along. And it felt good to sort of have a break.
The problem was that I ended up having a lot of dreams since I slept in so late. (I remember having at least four.) But I don't know what any of them were. I remember knowing what they were, but I can't recall them now. So I'm just waiting to think someone said something when I really only dreamed it.
Older things: a couple days ago (weeks ago? my time is way off), some friends and I were in the pub. (The pub lets you get food with your meal-plan when the caf isn't open.) And this guy, [Stevie], came in. Stevie's this big guy, and he's the quintessential "gay man". I don't know if he's actually gay, or bi, or what, but I know he isn't just straight. He's a cool guy. Pretty good singer, pretty good actor, over seven feet tall, going to work in the writing center next year. He's nice enough. So I'm sitting with my friends in a corner of the pub, and I waved to Stevie when he walked in. My friends and I are just talking. And Stevie starts walking toward us. He's got this look (obviously put on, not his normal look) of "I am doing something", like, super-mundo-I'm-in-control look. And I'm thinking he's just joking around, okay. And I thought he was going to give me a hug, like we normally do. (I've become really picky about who I touch and how, right? And Stevie and I do side-ways hugs a lot.) And he comes up to me and just grabs my face and pretends to open-mouth-kiss my cheek. (Like, to the two friends who were sitting there, it looked like he was all over my face.) And I got super-freaked-out. I mean, because I didn't shove him off or anything. I dunno. It just made me think, what am I going to do, freeze the same way if some guy tries to rape me? It just freaked me out. So I told Stevie a little later that he isn't allowed to molest my face anymore. I tried to be joking about it, but I think he was offended. One of my friends thinks he might have a crush on me. Honestly though, I don't think I'm his type at all, regardless of sex and sexual identity.
Blah. I dunno. I've just been having a lot of self-criticizing moments lately. Blah-gen-ness ensues.
But I started a story, and I'm pretty proud of it so far. I just have to finish it by Thursday, or I drop an entire letter grade in my fiction writing workshop class. But I think if I work at it, I can get something worthwhile down.
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Post by fico on Mar 3, 2004 18:58:23 GMT -5
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Post by fico on Mar 9, 2004 10:20:54 GMT -5
3.9.o4
SINCE YOU'RE GONE, I WISH I'D STUCK TO YOU
Tues. 10:19 (est). Last night, (last night?, I can't tell anymore because my days have started running together again, but they aren't running together in a bad way; instead it's almost like it's all one big day, which isn't always a bad thing), I looked out of Rue's window and saw this kid walking along the sidewalk. I could see really well, because there was a streetlamp that lit up the scene. The kid walked with that cliche "bounce in the step" type of stride, just taking long steps instead of shuffling along. It had been snowing on and off all day, starting sometime the night before. It was snowing when I saw this kid, and s/he stopped under the streetlamp and tried to catch a snowflake in hir mouth. S/he was jumping up to try to reach some of them, the streetlamp casting her shadow on the just-fallen snow. After a little while, s/he walked off, still striding instead of shuffling. I don't know if s/he caught a snowflake, but I hope s/he did.
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Post by fico on Mar 16, 2004 18:05:23 GMT -5
3.16.o4
I GOT YOU. I GOT YOU BABY.
Tues. 5:01pm. Not much has really been going on recently. Went to visit Rue, which was good, despite certain awkwardnesses involved. Got back, which was great. (Really missed Iowa. I think I figured out why people get so attached here... but it's not solid enough yet to find words for.) People started showing up at Coe, and that was fun, meeting up with them all.
Anyway. I was back on campus by Sunday, right? So a friend and I, we went outside, armed with seventeen pages of numbers. It just so happened to be 3.14.04... We totally got into it. We spent about two hours writing out as many decimals of pi as we could. She read them while I wrote them. (Yeah, it's fun to go around saying that my knees are bruised and my thighs are sore... really fun.) But yeah. We figured out how many decimals we actually wrote, and it turns out we got as far as 3,220. (Yeah, it was a long line of numbers. It went from some of the classrooms all the way to my dorm. Roughly estimated by my co-worker: 250 yards. It even went up some stairs and then back down. It was really fun.) The sad part: it snowed yesterday. Less than 24 hours after my friend and I finished writing, pi had been completely taken out by the snow that was melting on the sidewalk. My friend and I were devestated... and then we went to play in the snow. But yeah. It was a good time.
(disclaimer: i did not come up with the idea for writing pi on the sidewalks; i stole it from some kids at rue's college; i hold no claim to the ingenuity of the idea.)
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Post by fico on Apr 4, 2004 16:42:58 GMT -5
4.4.04
WHERE THE THINGS WE'VE AMASSED ARE UNDENIALBLY SURPASSED / BY THE VALUES OF OUR GOALS AND HOW HIGH WE CAN REACH
Sun. 4:14pm. (bleck to daylight savings.)
Last night was the Presidential Ball on campus. I borrowed a suit (oh yeah) and went with a group of friends, including [Al] (pronounced "ahl", like in "alma mater"), Revvie, and [Janie]. (important note: I've got a way-big crush on Janie. Like, so big that I would totally date her without pause, but she's straight.) It was cool. We got there, and I immediately lost them because I got caught in a group of other people. They wandered off together, and I talked with the group that had been standing on teh inside of the door.
I wandered aimlessly for a while, looking for Revvie and Janie. They had a big band, and there were all these people swing-dancing and stuff. The music was too loud for my taste. I'm not very fond of brass instruments to begin with, and then they had microphones and everything, blasting it from three sides of the room. I wasn't very happy with that, but I dealt.
It was really hard to recognize people because everyone was all dressed up. Usually, you know what a person's hair looks like or what kinds of clothes they wear, but everyone tends to look really similar when they're all done-up. (I was walking around in brown corduroy; I hope I wasn't blending in with all the black the other guys had on.) I kept finding people and then losing them again, but it was cool. I talked to this cool Japanese student (after dancing with a different one, God wa that awkward...).
After some time, I decided I really wanted to ask Janie to dance... only I didn't know how to dance. So I went over to my roommate and said that she had to teach me. [Touchstone] does a lot of dance, including (but not limited to) ballet, tap, and jazz. She also acts and other good stuff. So I had her teach me the basics about swing-dancing, and it was a lot of fun. (She enjoyed it too, because her pseudo-boyfriend was there, but he wasn't learning how to dance very well, considering his somewhat substantial level of intoxication. So she liked dancing with someone who actually picked it up.) It was really fun. I spun her and all these good things.
So I go back, all proud of my accomplishment, and ask Janie to dance. Big problem I had not forseen: Janie doesn't like to swing-dance. And of course, she's all straight and not wanting to dance with me. (She mentioned a story about how this other girl wouldn't dance with her last year, because the other girl didn't want to be seen as gay. Janie is really subtle sometimes. I totally wouldn't put it past her to tell me that story as a not-so-subtle-hint that she didn't want to be seen as gay. (Janie and I hang out a lot, so some people already thing we might be dating.) I don't really mind, I just wish I could have danced with her. She made a list of people she wanted to dance with, and she tallied it off to me. I was kind of hurt when I wasn't on there.
But I had a lot of fun anyway. I danced with [kd] a lot. She and I might room together next year; there's a good cahnce we will. She's dating this guy, and he and I danced too. But both of us only knew how to be the guy, and both of us only wanted to be the guy. so we made a gender-neutral dance. It was a lot of fun to figure out. We both had a hand on the other's waist, we intertwinded our fingers rather than one holding the other's hand, stuff like that. It was so funny, and at the end, I twirled him, then he dipped me. It was great. (note: binding and then dancing while laughing is so not fun; i thought i broke a rib or something.) I also danced wtih some other people. There's one guy, [Lisle], who I think is gay? I don't know if he knows. But he's very fem, and he's really great. Anyway, I danced with him. (He's fucking huge.) And he was the girl while I was the guy. I spun him and stuff. It was super-fun. I dunno. It was just a good night. And I wanted to talk about it.
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Post by fico on Apr 18, 2004 21:42:52 GMT -5
4.18.04
YOUR WORDS JUST DISAPPEAR / 'CAUSE IT'S ALWAYS RAINING IN MY HEAD / SO I SPEAK TO YOU IN RIDDLES BECAUSE / MY WORDS GET IN MY WAY
Sun. 9:43pm. Lots of things have happened. But none of them are really interesting, if that makes sense. They're just updates in my life. But anyway. I'll just list them off, because I don't think I'll remember them by the end of this week. (Dude, finals are starting in less than two weeks. Isn't that insane?)
Classes: Thanks to some very cool profs and my unusual tastes in academia, I ended up in all the classes I wanted for next fall. Basic Latin. Feminist Philosophy. Logic. Honors: Cuture and Revolution. Advanced Writers Studio. (counts for Topics credit.) Topics in Composition. Fiction Writing Workshop.
It looks like a pretty good semester. I know all my professors, and I know they're good ones. The only one I don't know is Feminist Philosophy, and I'm really hoping I don't get [Mac], 'cause I've heard just about every bad thing you can hear about a professor.
Roomdraw: kd and I are going to live together next year. We got a room in Murray (which was pretty amazing, considering the current circumstances), 5th floor. 5th is the "co-ed" floor, so we're happy about that. And some cool people we know are going to be on 5th, plus a lot of cool people will be in Murray.
The reason the current circumstances are difficult: They're making an entire dorm all-freshman next year. So about 200 people who like living in a certain dorm are completely displaced, and they all tried to get into Murray (my favorite dorm) and Douglas (the dorm annexed to the one that will be all-freshman). So all the female-rooms in Murray filled up lickety-split, since a lot of people don't like living in the sorority-dorm. But yeah, kd and I got really lucky to be in Murray, since there were only three rooms left that girls could live in.
Also, I went on a Philosophy trip this weekend. (We got back last night.) It was cool. But there were definitely parts of it I didn't like. *shrug* I think I have to think a few things out for myself.
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Post by fico on Apr 27, 2004 21:39:16 GMT -5
4.27.04
LISZT.
I've decided that it's a a good idea for me to make more lists. So I'm sorry that this entry doesn't have much dialogue. But I think you can learn a lot about a person by knowing certain things about them. (Like in Amelie, when they had those lists describing the characters, what they liked and didn't like.) So yeah.
I went to Chicago last weekend with some friends. It was cool. One of them is in Honors Composition with Dr.Denim. She has to make a list of 100 things to do before she dies. I decided to make one too. So here we go.
(in no particular order.) Things To Do Before I Die 4.25.04 age 18
1. Release a cd of "girl with a guitar" music 2. Release a cd with a band 3. Publish a book 4. Go to graduate school 5. Join the Peace Corps. (for about three years) 6. Learn to drive a stick-shift 7. See (walk?) the Great Wall of China 8. Memorize the Phoenetic Alphabet 9. Learn Hungarian 10. Learn Latin 11. Learn Greek 12. Learn Scottish-Gaelic 13. Learn French 14. Build something with my hands that is bigger than a human 15. Visit Hungary 16. Read Ulysses by James Joyce 17. Learn to play at least two musical instruments 18. Learn Calligraphy 19. Design a city 20. Design a house 21. Be proud of my family 22. Play music on streetcorners 23. Plant a tree and make sure it lives for at least ten years 24. Learn the constellations 25. Figure all my shit out concerning gender/sexuality 26. Visit San Fransisco 27. Visit Scotland 28. Write something that I am proud of for at least ten years 29. Ride (own?) a motorcycle 30. Do something self-less 31. Know how to recognize trees on sight 32. Grow my hair long enough to put up, then shave it off 33. Own a pet that I love 34. Learn something that is difficult for me (like math or science of some kind) 35. Feel like I'm smart 36. Ride a tantem bicycle 37. Cross the country with two wheels of some kind 38. Learn to ride a unicycle 39. Learn to juggle well 40. Write a thesis (before going to graduate school) 41. Live out of the country for at least a year (not including Peace Corps. time) 42. Learn a language by immersing myself in the culture 43. Go to Shakespeare and Company 44. Be known by one name (Eugenides) kind of like Madonna and Napoleon are known by one name 45. Fly a kite 46. Pass as a guy for at least a year 47. Buy a three-piece suit 48. Learn to dance 49. Love a boy 50. Walk or ride a bike to school/work every day for at least a year 51. Make or be in a movie 52. Influence someone in a positive way 53. Paint a house 54. Teach someone 55. Spend a lot of time with one kid (young person) 56. Swim the English Channel 57. Learn how to knit 58. Skinny-dip in the ocean 59. Invent something, regardless of whether or not it works 60. Become ambidexterous 61. Develop a gi-hugic vocabulary 62. Cook something on my own that is healthy 63. Be remembered by someone 64. Die feeling like my life had meaning 65. Decide on a design I could have for a tattoo, regardless of whether or not I get a tattoo 66. One day when I am old, wear all purple and see if anyone notices the reference 67. Learn to fold origami 68. Need more than one hand to count the number of people that I now-love (rather than memory-love) 69. Do something that I consider kinky 70. Learn all the US presidents in order of when they held office 71. Understand someone other than myself 72. Make a cd of cover-songs 73. Learn to make my voice lower 74. Make more lists and actually save them 75. Be vegetarian for at least a year and vegan for at least a month 76. Keep kosher for a year 77. Have a radio show 78. Trace Van Gogh's paintings in Arles 79. Have a hero/heroine 80. Write an autobiography 81. Learn to do a handstand 82. Have a stereotypically lesbian haircut 83. Build a bookcase 84. Name something or have something named after me 85. Hitchhike 86. Smoke a pipe 87. Sleep in a hammock 88. Sail a long distance 89. Go on a roadtrip with [Bet] 90. Do something that truly tests my physical abilities 91. Watch a meteor shower with someone important to me 92. Sew an outfit and wear it 93. Run a marathon 94. Compete in a triathalon 95. Learn how to pick locks 96. Fly in a helicopter 97. Live with someone that I love 98. Keep a dream-journal 99. Create something beautiful 100. Learn photography, including how to develop the film 101. Have a song with someone
It was really interesting to write up 100. Usually, I just write until I get bored. But I think it was good to make myself think of one hundred things I would like to do. It's not important to me to do all of them, but I wouldn't have thought of some of the important ones unless I had written the full one hundred.
Another list: Addictive Pracrastination Tools which Become Dangerous During Finals 1. The Writing Center 2. Snood 3. Text Twist 4. Books for fun 5. Lists[/size]
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Post by fico on May 4, 2004 8:02:49 GMT -5
5.4.04
WHAT IS YOUR VOICE, WHAT IS YOUR VOICE, WHAT IS YOUR NAME? HAVE YOU DECIDED, HAS YOUR DECISION CAME?
8:07am. Tues. A lot of changes are all happening.
Change in Gen's schedule: There was a big mix-up, trying to get Latin to fit into fifteen different class-schedules. (Fourteen students, plus the professor.) The way it ended up, my schedule had to change. So...
Gen's classes for Fall 2004: Introduction to Gender Studies Honors: Non-western Perspectives Logic Latin Feminist Philosophy Topics in Composition Fiction Writing Workshop
If you add all of that up, I'll have 5.8 credits again. Am I okay with this? Yeah. Is the petition committee?
Change #2: The petition committee is changing, too. My petition was taken to the Dean, and he granted it. Then, the professor who took it to the Dean told the Dean that the petitions committee should be changed. She said I had a large part in getting the turn-over about two years earlier than expected. So yeah, feeling good about that. Feeling good that I finally signed up for that class that I had already finished all the work for.
Seniors are graduating. Soon. I'm not going to go into that. But I dunno. The idea of Revvie leaving is... is not so cool with the Gen. I don't think I've said this here before, but I love Revvie. These things just happen sometimes. And the fact that she's going to Penn State next year is just a little too ironic for my tastes right now.
It's funny, huh? In about three years, I've grown to love three people I hadn't loved before. That's just weird.
p.s. i'm leaving for china in just over a week.[/size]
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Post by fico on May 9, 2004 13:04:26 GMT -5
5.9.o4
She woke from a dream Her head was on fire Why was he so nervous? He took her to the park She crossed her arms And lowered her honor
Someday, somebody's gonna ask you A question that you should say "yes" to Once in your life Baby, tonight I've got a question for you
She'd had no idea And started to cry She said "in a good way" He took her by the hand Walked her back home And they took the long way
Someday, somebody's gonna ask you The question that you should say "yes" to Once in your life Maybe tonight I've got a question for you
I've got a question for you...
1:07pm. Sun. that's the song that was running through my head all last night. revvie fell asleep pretty quickly. i just kind of sat there with her and played with her hair. after a while, i read for may-term. i fell asleep reading.
this morning, the alarm went off. revvie got up and turned it off. i was only mildly awake. revvie came back and said her mom would be here in about half an hour. i nodded and smiled when she lay down next to me. one of the best things in the world is being hugged by someone you love when you're just barely awake enough to remember it, and then falling asleep that way. it's just great because when you're that tired, you think the two of you can stay like that for ages. time just seems to go about a quarter as fast as usual.
but then her cell-phone rings, and you've got to hurry to get your socks and shoes on as she goes downstairs to let her mom in the building. and you've got to hurry to grab your books and the post-its from the back of her door (which was the last thing you had in her room), and you take the stairs up to ninth so that you don't meet her and her mom coming off the elevator.
at her car, right before revvie went away, she said "don't be sad gen oroszvary." she thinks it's important to call people by their last names because it means that you're really talking to that person and only that person. i replied with something sarcastic, and she said "that's a terrible attitude to have." so i pointed at the look on my face and called it a smile, even though i was only squinting because of the sun.
but even so, i'm trying to not be sad. which is why i'm not going to spend the rest of the day in my room. i'm going to go outside and climb a tree, either madison or the new tree i met just a couple days ago. or i'll go drink a berghoff with jack, since i promised him i would on flunk day, but then they only had really shitty beer, like miller light or something. these are the things i will do. i will think about the excitement of revvie moving into her first-ever apartment, rather than the fact that i won't live there with her.
happy graduation, class of 2004.
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Post by fico on May 10, 2004 17:34:51 GMT -5
5.10.o4
WE FOUND A NEW KINDA DANCE IN A MAGAZINE / TRY IT OUT IT'S LIKE NOTHIN' YOU EVER SEEN
5:43pm. Mon. note: the following times are designed for the time-zone of the place in question.
May 12 Fly from Cedar Rapids (USA) 8:55am Arrive in Chicago (USA) 9:55am
May 12 Fly from Chicago 12:10pm Arrive in Narita (Japan) 3:05pm (May 13)
May 13 Fly from Narita 6:10pm Arrive in Beijing (China) 9:00pm
June 6 Fly from Beijing 9:35am Arrive in Narita 2:00pm
June 6 Fly from Narita 4:35pm Arrive in Chicago 2:00pm (June 6)
June 6 Fly from Chicago 3:45pm Arrive in Cedar Rapids 4:45pm
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Post by fico on Jun 8, 2004 14:58:42 GMT -5
6.7.2oo4
SOME DAY SOMEBODY'S GONNA ASK YOU / A QUESTION THAT YOU SHOULD SAY YES TO
3:12pm. Tues. Just letting you all know that I'm okay and everything. China was cool and everything. I didn't get SARS or die or anything like that. So yeah. I kept a journal while I was there. I'll post some of those things up when I get a chance. But right now, I'm borrowing someone else's computer, and I don't want to take too long. yay-ness for being back, --Gen
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Post by fico on Jun 21, 2004 16:01:45 GMT -5
6.21.o4
I SHAKE LIKE A TOOTHACHE / WHEN I HEAR MYSELF SING/ ALL MY LIES ARE ONLY WISHES / I KNOW I WOULD DIE / IF I COULD COME BACK NEW
Mon. 4:11pm. "Dear acoustic music fans, And a One and a Two. are you getting enough guitar? MAKE MUSIC. Fall in love with your guitar. socks are optional. GREAT ACOUSTICS. worn-down fret. Stop, Hey, What's That Sound? Ragtime. folk. ACOUSTIC. Fingerstyle Freedom. acoustic MUSIC. Listen to the sound of your guitar. NO DISTORTION TO COVER YOUR ASS. Are You Experienced? lyrical complexity and dazzling sparkle. thirst for musical adventure. songs can live and breathe. Kick back, Explore, Take your time. it's all about performance. in awe as it resonates. Am: x02310."
my mind seems to be moving either faster than i can handle or at half-speed, depending on a set of causes that i can't fathom. all i get are the effects, which aren't satisfactory.
saturday, i went to a party. it was a folk-party, but it didn't feel at all folk. i sat and listened to people about forty years older than i am talk about people they all know. and then they started talking about their jobs. one teaches at a university and went on and on about how kids these days have no morals. he leaned over to look at me and apologized, and i told him it was okay. it really bothered me that i told him that. the people i know are not immoral. i know tons of kids who do things because they know it's right, or because they feel it's an obligation they owe to someone, or because they just want to make someone else happy. maybe their ways of doing these things are different, or maybe they choose people that older generations would have put second or third rather than first. that's not the point. the point is that i know people who know they are not god's gifts to mankind. there's good in that. and it bothered me that i didn't tell this guy what i was thinking.
that's sort of been who i have become recently. i think things and don't say them. the things i talk about are of no consequence pretty much. i'm trying to figure out what's important and what's not before i say it, rather than after i've already started talking.
*stops talking*
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