Awake and dreaming... [Li]

[Lianne]

work was really slow today thank god. They did however finally find out that the internet was available from our desks so that sicked . after my last break they switched me from my primary client Cingular escalation line where i was getting one call every half hour to good old T Mobile where there were 31 reps on the phone with 40 calls in waiting XD.

the night at work was still pretty fun three girls and cory (who is gay) we all had girl talk lol, and talked about stupid things. thank god cory is gay lol we talka bout absolutely everything under the sun.

alex didnt call last night i hope he does tonite though, that would make me happier. so right now i am just kinda sitting here wishing the remote for my stereo was within arms reach cos it takes too much effort to move off my bed. I have papers scattered all around me. all old astronomy magazines. im such a nerd.

ive also come to a realization today. I am so so different than all my friends. i dont know why they put up with me. they are all party people. im not. im the quiet one that would rather be at home than out. alex is an excepption because i feel like i belong with him. itd different with my friends though i am so different from them. im the funny one of the group though. i love them to death, but it doesnt bother me that i havent seen them really. im gonna go see the villag with at least chandell on friday though, and ima call dalton and sean too.

in other news: reading old astronomy magazines scientific american is much better.

im a nerd

[D]

Hey, there...you're no more nerdy than me and my History Channel...which is on right now

[Lianne]

My friends of the family son who is my age his name is bed, he is also Alex's best friend (and i cant stand him ). His grandfather is in the hospital because he was losing blood somewhere so they did a scope and found it was int he bowl and that he has bowl cancer . Bert os such an awesome man too. hes been to the brink of death so many times and smashed it in the face. I really hope his surgery goes well, he has heart problems and may not make it through the surgery.

i told alex about it when he called last night when he called so he could call ben.

[Lianne]

alex just called me and he has told me that Angie s tumor is just a tumor. THANK GOD. i was so afraid for her, she still has to get it removed though so im still hoping for her. It is attached to the scull too not the brain tissue so thats good too. I believe that you have to stay awake for brain surgery too, so that must be freaky.

shes so strong.

**********************************

oh man i am so so SO excigted to start university *jumps* i have been WAITING for university the secondi stepped into highschool. to be able to be finally independent in school i am so excited. So:

Stuff for Miss Lianne to get done tomorrow:

-- go to bank and transfer funds to mums account
-- go to uni with mum and get her to write check.
-- go to book room to see about buying books

Amount to pay: 4,613.00 whoo thats alot. thats $800 a class i think.. nah cant be i thingk they took 100 dollars off.

[Lianne]

August 6th 2004.

got up really early again, had another driving car lesson. we took a highway trip out the highway past the terry fox lookout. i got to do a pass on the road too. mums always been toedgy to let me. it was great

my friend alex is leavign for college soon lol i will miss him. hes the type of gay guy that likes to dance and stuff., and when my friends have arties alex and i always dance like fools lol. he says he will miss me i said id miss him too, no more dirty dancing

i went into the university early this mornign and paid $3000 of my tuition. and i wanted to buy as many of my books as were in, but they so far only had a lab outline in so i bought that and a biology dictionary.

dads gonna put shelves in my closet thank god i have so many books andcrap.

*****************************

i went to see the village tonite with Chandel I havent seen her in forever! it was nice to catch up on everything.

The village was a really good movie too i thought. i Liked the twist. i would see it again definately i like joaquin pheonix too.

now i am at home and mum is bitchy at me because she as snapping at everything she was saying to my dad and me. so i told her to settle down. and now shes angry and pretending to not speak with me. truth hurts i guess. ten bucks says she will pull the poor me im stupid line for the next week. i cant live with her sometimes.

[Lianne]

My university lab manuel is cool, i love reading it!

I leave tomorrow for my canoe trip and i am really excited for it, we gotta road tripp-er on over to aticokan for the put in , and its a week long trip to White Otter Castle and back. i love it there, i went a few years back. I hope it doesnt rain lots though. that would really suck.

I mailed a letter to alex today too. Its gonna be the last letter i can write to him now until he comes home i miss him so much.

i still have to pack for my trip i hate waterproofing, stupid plastic bags.... i have to type a letter of resignation for my sister. Bleh. i wish i could quit my job my lead was up my arse today too about my breaks i took my first break fifteen minutes and shes like well you are not taking it now because you missed it! im like Rose, forget it and i turned around and set my computer to make busy and took my break. she says she willwrite me up. but let her try i am entitled to one break in a four hour period. its illegal if i dont. so let her try, i'll take her to Lori's Office if she even trys. im not taking her bullshit anymore. i take enough from the irate consumers.

but working = university.

university is soo gonna rule ;D

[D]

At least you won't have to see or hear your lead for a week! She sounds like a real...you know.

Have a good week!

[Lianne]

CANOE TRIP JOURNAL:

Day one : Sunday

got up early and checked all my equiptment and made sure everything was waterproofed and sealed tight. We left and met in the Canadian Tire parking lot and met everyone that was going. We then stopped backa t my house because it is on the way out to the put in spot. Here we dropped off Ellen;s Car.

We headed out the highway for the four hour drive. The trip was headed for White Otter Castle. I've been there on a trip a couple of years ago. When we got to the turn off for the bush roads there wwere three vehicles and lots of forks in the road and we got lost lol! uncle larry was the only one witht he map and he was in the front with his lead foot. WE lost him and at every intersecton we got out and looked for fresh tracks. We finally found them, and ended up that too much time was wasted so we set up camp by a river in a gravel pit on the side of the road for the night. It was really cloudy at this point.


Day Two: Monday

It rained a lot last night. i woke up to wet feet cos my sleeping bag was pressed to the bottom of the tent. Yuck. Poured all day today. We had put in in the wrong lake too! talk about luck . But it was really for the benifit of the group. Because of this, we had to drive to the next campsite whick thank god was available from land. we were forced to set up our tents in the pouring rain, it wouldnt let up at all. good thing i brought a tarp though, i put it on the floor inside the tent and we were dry all night long. The tenperature was around 42-43 degrees out, our breath was freezing, it was crap. we had tarps set up for group shelter and fires going for heat, we all needed it. The weather was supposed to keep up and the temperatures drop so we tooka vote and decided to go back to the camp site in town (5 hour drive) from where we were, and stay there until the weather is better.

Day Three : Tuesday

We all got up really early and packed all our gear up in the tents, i threw on my rain suit and took down the tent by myself because brittany had gotten sick and didnt have proper rain gear. We ate bagels toasted on the fire and then packed everything and crashed in the vehicles for the ride to the Camp. We stopped at kakabeca for lunch and mum came because its a ten minute drive from my house. When we finally got to camp Gitchigomee we unloaded and hung everythign up to dry.

we played indian poker and i kicked ass at black jack and won alll the money Too bad its not heated here though, we are all cold still ut at least we are dry.

Day Four: Wednesday

We woke up this mornign to the boys literally shaking our cabin. Kim and i made pancakes for breakfast, we were the lucky ones and had the only messy breakfast to do we also had to do lunch and made grilled cheese .

i taught the kids how to make help necklaces so thats all they did lol. guess they arent kids, they are campers like me eh. All 14-16 and im almost 18 . i hurt my back pretty bad too cos Kim couldnt carrya canoe without horsing around. so its pulled and tomorrow we are most likely leaving for Northern Lights Lake for a one night canoe trip to end everything off with some canoeing.

WEnt canoeing aroung the bay with drake int he front of my canoe and jamie and dennis in another canoe and we rafted up and just talked, it was a good evening cos we could just get things off our chest and talkt ogether.

Day Five: Wednesday

We all woke up early. I packed all my gear right away then ate breakfast and we headed for uncle larry's van (aka the Bang Bus) and drove to Northern Lights Lake public landing. On the way we listened to AC/DC and The WHo.we paddled for about an hour and a half and did one portage and ate lunch at the end of the portage. After that it was abotu another 45 inute paddle into strong winds and wie caps.

The campsite was wicked, sand beach, and rocks and moss where the tents were, perfect. We hung out on the beach all day. just sat and talked cos it was too cold to swim. The moss and rocks were good to sleep on that way no sand in the tents. Perfect day. Sunny and perfect temperature. Cold cold water

Day Six: Friday

WE woke up at the camp site thismorning and ate a breakfast of granola bars packed and waited for the fog to lift. Then Drake was too chicken to get his feet wet so i packed our canoe, and the paddle was so awesome, the water was like glass. During the paddle we met a large group of americans from Iowa. Drake and i were a powerhouse and paddled about 7 km/h and caught up witht he americans, it was funny. Kim was annoying though saying Eh every second word. They ended taking out at the same landing as us. So it was cool we all went and talked to them, they had a HUGE group.

after that we all went and packed up and headed back to gitchigomee and hung out. this has been the wimpiest canoe trip that ive ever been on!! Later we all hung out after Father Johns talk around the fire and went for walk and looked at stars in the field and just talked about everything.we all slept around 3:30 am in the mess hall and were awakened by father john and Stanley telling us to go to our cabins at 5:45. It turned out to be a fun trip road trip and canoe trip . i am glad i went though.

[Lianne]

oh man i have a driving lesson tomorrow i nearly forgot.

yesterday was my first day backk to work, and i ordered a pizza and ate it on the floor then after the leads left went chair surfing down the aisles. im a moron sometimes.

other than that, i bought new texts for uni. im excied.!!

thats it in a nutshell right now, Alex comes home on sunday ! !!!! God ive missed him so much. while he is home time will be precious, we have to bury hus dads ashes and stuff. so i dont know how that will go but no matter what i am there beside him. i love him so much. makes me cry sometimes to think about it. i never could see us togetherm and i realize how unbelievable this is... i know this sounds dumb but it is like the one thing i could ever want is to be with him.

[Lianne]

August 18, 2004.

Emotion is a funny thing. One minute one is happy, the next they arent. Im like that, i see little things that remind me of anger, sadness, love, joy. I was walking in my backyard and a frog crossed my path and it just filled me with this extrordinary feeling of happiness and still an empty feeling. Reminded me of Alex. Everything ddoes. I knew he would point it out and pick it up or something . There was one day that Alex and i went and caught all sorts of frogs to repoplate his uncles pond . Kind of funny really.

Hes home in 4 days, soon to be 3 days, ive only talked to him once in two weeks, i think its getting to me. I should get to talk to him tomorrow. I'll wait for the call. I dont care how pathetc it may be. these las t days are the longest.



Welcome to nowhere and finding out where it is

[Lianne]

i got up early thismorning and just kind of lied in bed thinking to myself. just random sleepy thoughts. I knew i had to get up to work and then i hear mum from the kitchen say: "oh shit!! Your sister, go wake her up!" so i knew my sister and her friend were coming to wake me up. AS they were sneaking in to my room to try and scare me i lied quietly to listen, and jumped and made loud noises and they screamed and her friend almost fell over and katherine jumped on me and started tickling me. lol

put me in a good mood.

i then at work discovered that the internet worked at my desk, so i lingered around TD talking to a friend most of the time. Made the day pass till around five at least

Driving home i faced an issue thoug, my visor was down and it was kind of vibrating and made the sun like a strobe light, i felt all funny and dizzy that i needed to pull over for a few seconds. but i lifted it and drove squinting instead. it was weird. like the center of my mind started to vibrate with it and then swirl all over. Crazy.

I feel so full of passion today. Everything that happens i feel so strongly about. Passion and Rage. And my music right now makes me feel like everythign is as great as ever. Even if its a depressing song. I love days like these. i feel like every little thing matters. i feel all fluttery inside.

I get home and check my answering machine, i missed alex's call, said he would try back later, im just glad to know hes alright though


----------------------------------------------

he never called it makes me sad, even though i know that i will see him in like two days now. I want to talk to him at least tomorrow, that way i can get the jist of when to pick him up at the airport. Im going to be so happy that day.

im such a baby though, it really upset me that he didnt call. hes turned me into an emotional puddle. i never used to be emotional. i miss having someone hold me. thats what i miss most. And my back hurts, alex and i have tis lets crack each others backs thing lol works ewll though.

***

i just had a fight with mum too. She told me to do something like take your shower or something, but im going to in the morning and kept nagging me. Shes like DID YOU HEAR ME?! so i snapped and yelled YES IM NOT DEAF. and she went to mope in her room. and said just remember next time you want something. and i think what do i ask you for? Rides? thats all gonna change by monday.

she puts me into this real state of anger. im nearly 18 and she still feels like she has to think for me. i want to feel like an adult. not a baby.

[Lianne]

August 20, 2004

I got up this morning and mum was still not speaking to me. I stopped at Zellers o pick up my canoe trip pictures, which were alright, i mean, there was no flash, so some of the pics didnt work out as i had hoped. There was one they took of me sitting in my sleeping bag with my hoodie on shivering and it didnt work because it had been too dark. Too bad though, i was looking forward to that one. . There was one of me with my pack, and thats the only one that worked with me in it. Good thing Father John had a camera too, there are a few of me that im looking forward to on his film .

Here is the link if anyone is interested: img.photobucket.com/albums/v344/oolianneoo/LianneAndPack.jpg

I also went to the university today and picked up my physics Text. i need now my chem text and lab manuel for chema nd physics. Then the buying will be done. At least my student card was free!! i got that today too

Then mum got mad at me again. i dont even know why. i said i was hungry when we were at Tim hortons and she said you arent allowed to have soup or sandwich. You have to wait for supper. I said i havent eaten since breakfast and she only glared at me. She is such a child. i said i would pay for my own and she freaked out at me. so i just ordered a bagel and a chocolate milk.

im being a bit pathetic too i guess, im staying home so that i can catch alex's call. one more day. i miss him.

I feel really alone right now. im grounded until sunday i think. at leasrt thats the jist of what i got. Im home alone, and the only thing i have to look forward to is Tomorrow when i work. that passes time so much quicker. and at least i can be away from mum and katherine. i mean is this wrong of me to say/feel? i could care less how often im around them these days. When Alex is in town, i rarely see them. Mum always tells me that i think i am too good for them. Um, hello?! listen to yourself!! Why do you think i spend as little time here as possible?

*sigh*

She called me an insolent bitch right before she stormed out of the house. Her and Katherine are so materialistic it sickens me. Katherine refuses to let someone drive her somewhere if it is in the old van because its the "Ugly Van" she discusts me. miss unemployed cheerleader, i cant afford half of the things she buys and she only gets 40 dollar paychecks!! that worries me. Shes going to be so broke. She will need to marry rich.

This family discusts me

********EDIT*********

Alex called me and wow talk abotu a pick up. He always makes me happy, even if we barely have anythign to say. I love him.

[Lianne]

Went to work today, dragged by. Then mum picks me up and we went to A&W for food, and my sister said so how do you feel about Zoe? (That is alex's dog) and mum kicked her, so im like what??. she has throat cancer and we have to put her down tomorrow night after alex comes home. MY GOD!! i hope i get to be there. i'll miss her lots . as much as i say i hate dogs, i liked Zoe.

Mums mad at me again. Whoever reads this must think i live in a messed family. She went to pay forthe meal and walked away, mad at me for some reason and knocked the key pad for debit to the floor, which cancled everything. And she refused to go pay for it again, so i did and she threw a fit and threw 20 dollars at me. Grow up

[Lianne]

August 22, 2004


i went to the airport to get alex today. Wow i was on top of the world. His flight was five minutes late and i was going CRAZY!! i waited at the gate for him and i pacd like a cat. Everytime i caught a glimpse of someone moving in the corner of my eye i would turn to see who it was. My stomatch was in knots.

Then he came through the gate and i could feel my face hurting i was smiling so big. He put his bags down and i rean right to him and huged him for like three minutes straight. and yes i cried a little, i have this problem where i cry when im happy or sad lol . its his fault.

anyways we got his luggage and headed tohis house where people were waiting and we had a toast and ate and all was good. Tammy had to tell alex aboutthe dog, and he was upset, so i went and sat with him for a while, then his cousins and my sister and his sister all came in and we joked around so it was all good.

We then later after everyone left went to the vet to put Zoe down. I didnt think it would be as difficult for me. But i cried too. Its a hard thing to all of a sudden see all the life gone out of something that was fiveseconds ago breathing. She went fast though, she was ready. Shes with Mike (alex's dad) now. They are gone fishing

after that alex and i got some time to finally catch up, we sit and talked for a long time and i got home about an hour ago. im so so glad hes home

[D]

YAY!!! I'm so happy for you two