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Post by Lianne on Aug 25, 2004 15:35:40 GMT -5
aww thanks D
August 25, 2004
My whole four days with alex were great, even though we had alot on our plates. Putting Zoe down was difficult. but it was alright the next day.
On monday we kinda did a bit of everything. Hung out and went out for dinner. Ben was over and they did nerdish things and i was bored. But i loved every minute of it anyways. On monday i also passed my road test. I can now drive alone, then i only have my full G liscence to worry about.
On Tuesday, the service for Mike's ashes was really nice. I mean not exactly a happy thing. But it was settling almost you know? The priest was really nice, he took the time to come talk to everybody. Said that hes heard lots about me and that i am a goodperson for alex to have around. Tammy always says she loves me for how im there for him.
Mike was a fisher and the priest told the gospel about Jesus and the shore lunch. It was really well thought about. alex was fine about it too, he was a little down, but he was okay about it all.
Then last night Alex was trying to fix his laptop because his friend totally ruined it. and while he was doing that i starrted packing him for his trip to europe . Sometimes i wonder where this boy would be without me lol . So i packed him and then we went through everything, and him and i got his cat all packed up and brought her to my house where she remains until they get home on the 6th.
It was hard to let go again, but not as hard as the first time, im used to it right now. Still kind of a kick in the face. When we finally got time to just be by ourselves and talk and stuff. I realized how much i missed him. i couldnt help myself i cried. I did. and i told him how much i had missed him. he says he will never do this again to me. I know he will probably do more training next summer though . but i understand that its just something that has to be done.
But i saw him and most of his close relatives off to europe today. They are going to be landing in Zurich at 4 am my time 10 am their time. So i know he will have a good time.
Im finally insured too so i will be driving to work on my own and to school too
thats about my first half of the week in a nutshell anyways. Back to work tomorrow. i'll have to brace myself for it lol.
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Post by D on Aug 25, 2004 15:59:43 GMT -5
You are doing a great job of handling the separations and such. As emotional as it can be, you never seem to let that get in the way of your though process, which I know is hard to do I'm glad everything went well! *Hugs*
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Post by Lianne on Aug 25, 2004 21:07:41 GMT -5
*hugs back* im about to break i feel it coming *sigh*
i'm so worried. I go to turn on the tv and i think it was on MAD TV. and they were talking about croatians hijacking a plane. Of course it kinda upset me. I mean, he is on an international flight...
but i know he'll be okay. Im home alone. i get crazy when im in this house alone. im in the country, i cant just go out and do something, not that i feel like it right now anyways.
i just feel... sad and i know i shouldn't. But im dumb like that. And for anyone that may read this journal, i know you prolly dont care too too much about alex and i. But he is one of the main highlights of my life. and i feel stupid for being sad that hes gone again. But i dunno... the last time i had with him was all rushed and loud cos his mum was in heathen mode and yelling at us all. but its how she is and i know i have to live with it, and i know she loves me.
im sad because im home alone, and i know where i would rather be. I need a good slap to wake me up.
.
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Post by Lianne on Aug 26, 2004 21:05:42 GMT -5
Dad is home today him my mum and sister are leaving tomorrow for a three day trip to cochrane, a small town about 8 hours away to see a family member get married. I wish i could go because i never get to see my family from dads side. My cousins are all my age too so it would be cool.
oh well, i must work because i get my bottom wisdom teeth out now on the first and ive taken way too much time off time off for canoeing, for alex and for teeth= lack of money.
University drained me and i can only work 25 hours a week during university.
which reminds me-- i need to change work availability to unavailable on mondays and do the couple hours on thursday instead .
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Post by D on Aug 27, 2004 8:00:29 GMT -5
Hang in there! Things will get into rhythm once you really get going in school.
Sorry about the trip. Wish you could go with them.
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Post by Lianne on Aug 31, 2004 14:27:36 GMT -5
i wish that too, but its alright you know? i understand . I need something for his birthday on the 12th and our 1 year on the 17th
August 31, 2004
Kristyn stayed here last night, she just broke it off with her boyfriend of 2 1/4 years. I wouldntbe able to handle it
i went to get up this morning, to go to my pre- doc for my wisdom teeth surgery too and found out that the appointment had to be cancelled because there wasa n emergency surgery that needed my OR time. Its all good though, cancer patient, i'll step out of the way without a word. Mum had cancer, so i understand.
But out of that trip to town, i got a trip to the university out of it, Kristyn and i looked for more class books, mine is still not in. So yeah. That will be yet another trip
ALex called me today, he sounded sad on the phone. Says he didnt want to be there that he'd had enough, i know they are having fun though So i am happy for him that he is there. He says he misses e though and i believe him, i miss him too. But again, i understand. i know he will come home to me.
I went into work today too and picked up shifts because i ooked off the time for my teeth to come out. But its all good, less pain to look forward to .
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Post by Lianne on Sept 6, 2004 10:05:48 GMT -5
September 6th, 2004.
Ive been in kind of a weird mood lately. The kind where you just dont care about anything, and things just feel like they are gonna be great. I dont really know how to explain it.
Alot of my couple friends have broken up in the last week. Kristyn and will, Candace and Kyler, Steph and Rick. Its kind of weird, maybe it was a bad time for relationships. Maybe its good that Alex was in Europe
Speaking of which, he comes home today ;D. I will be taking his cat home and then headerin on to the airport to pick him up as well as any of his family that might need a ride. So i am really excited .Right now im kinda working on getting ready to head to work from 12-4 and then thats it .
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Leni
Resident
all I wish...all I wish is gone away
Posts: 14
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Post by Leni on Sept 6, 2004 16:05:02 GMT -5
I'm glad he'll be back. I kind of understand what he means to you and by the things you write about your relationship, it's like you found someone that completes you. And, finding one so soon, that's saying something. And I care about you and Alex, basically because I know about it even before it began. How long you waited, how good friends you were and how you cared for him. He was someone you've always wanted, and to me, relationships based on a long waiting by one of the parts are really something to value. Just kidnap him now and keep him to you until all the loneliness you felt while he was away disappears. ((Funny thing, lots of relationships are ending here too : )
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Post by Lianne on Sept 8, 2004 0:02:43 GMT -5
hehe Rita that made me smile:)
AugustSeptember 7, 2004
wow time has certanly gone by like NUTS. Alex arrived safely with the rest of his familyat 6:33 pm yesterday. We got him all settled and i talked to his family members and made sure they had a good time then i helped him unpack everything. And we just... hung out. it was great, i missed his arms around me, and his stupid faces he makes when he tries to be funny .
We decided that he woul dtake me to the university orientation today, so he was coming to stay at my house and his truck died. He tried to give it gas and it wouldnt then it stalled. I said it was probably his gal pump, which in the end it turned out to be. i was right, but it is gonna be a pain in the arse to fix.
Mum came to the rescue, and i just brought him into town and dropped him off at home so he could make calls.
Univresity rules. the orientation was useless lol but i walked around and foud all my lecture halls and stuff. The english one looks like it is only for like a class of 20-30 lol! But it was nice to walk around.
On my way out i met up with a family friend who is coming back to town for year five of her program and was looking around campus, and was bored and waiting for a ride. So i brought her to the airport so she could see off her grandma and get a ride home with her dad. So that was cool, we caught up on alot of things. She asked about alex, apparantly thats all she hears about when her mum talks to her about me. My mums a blabbererer.
Laater alex and i did some riunning around and such and i went to work, where apparantly i am in a pile so deep. On Sunday Jeff was taking a call and he said something that sounded stupid so me and my mouth mocked him and the consumer on the phone heard and said "i heard thatasshole in the back" and apparantly that was a monitored call, so i am hoping that that lead doesn NOT work evenings for a while so that maybe he will... forget and i wont get a final written warning?
i need this job, money is a little tight for me right now. I wont be able to take a job that pays less than 8 dollars an hour seeing as im getting almost nine. i have to watch myself, but im pretty good druing the school year and such, i do my homework there.
Speaking of work-- funny call, this kids mom was calling in about a rebate status, and she was upset with policy, and shes like "well this is my sons phone, but im doing the work, he doesnt know any better about these phones anyways, i mean hes only 17, what would he know?"
now, being the mouthy 17 year old that i am i said "yeah, kids these days eh?"
lol wow. im funny. XD. i laughed lol.
so i didnt think that much was to be said, but it was. Alex brought me back perfume-ey things from france. i love them, i hate perfume cos im never good with smells, but he know exactly what i like. i love it
lol and his mum bought me a charm for my italian charm bracelett, she bought an italy flag to represent my italian boy
she is funny sometimes. But i love it makes me laugh when i think about it
now i dropped him at his friends tonite and he says hes walking home when hes done crazy nut. But oh well what can ya do :-p
Rar now its one, i think im headen to bed.
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Post by Lianne on Sept 12, 2004 11:48:28 GMT -5
September 12, 2004
Its been a crazy past few days. Lectures started on friday for me. Calculus should be balst, no calculators allowed o exams, which means that im going to need lots of practice because as part of the calculator generation i still add with my fingers .
But im still pumped about it all ;D
Today also happens to be alex's birthday. So im working then heading there to go out for supper with him and his family. Im kind of excited to go and see everyone. hes 19, i should prolly call him. Im at work right now and its so so slow. So i am loving this lunch break. Ive been reading text books all morning.
Alex and i were talking two days ago. and i just let out a flood of everythign that worries me and why i still feel insecure about other irls. And i know he says he loves me, i know he does. But i think i have just realized it now. I love him too, and im in love with him, but i dont think i just accepted the fact that someone finally thinks i am good enough for them, that someone accepts me and my crazy flaws. Like i told alex, ive never been first in anyones books, with all my past boyfriends they have either liked and tried to date friends of mine and when that failed a month or so later it would be me. With alex, it was my best friend at the time. But i know that that was a really pointless relationship and that we definately have the world in comparison to it.
I love him, but i always worry, im, insecure about myselfm, and my "capability" to keep the one thing that i want the most. My greatest fear is to be alone forever, to not be loved, and i know it is stupid of me. Ive never been able to keep a steady friend for more than a year, and because our one year mark is in five days, i still worry that he will get bored with me. But im starting to realize how stupid i am about it and am beginnign to feel better about it. I mean if hes put up with me this long why not stay a little longer? lol
he just signed on msn, i miss him and im excited to give him his present, and i hope he likes it he will.
anyways. I have an english assingment due already, i can tell im gonna hate that class, they are doing grammar of all things with us
oh well. More biology to read!!
**** funny, just as i was getting kinda set then he says something stupid about girls that he shouldnt have in front of me, made me feel sick and brought back a bit of that insecurity...
EDIT: Everything is fine, guess i will do another entry...
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Post by Lianne on Sept 22, 2004 0:04:47 GMT -5
September 21, 2004
Universtiy rules. It is so much more independent than highschool. Although, in my progroamme there is alot of work and assignments, so i al always stressed for time, and it is hard to balance classes work and a boyfriend, its a good thing that alex and i dont have many breaks together that way i get some work done so that i can see him after school longer.
It was out one year annaversary on the 17th too, that was really nice, i got to his house and he was lighting candles on the chandelier, and had sushi all layed out nicey and wine. It was nice, then he gave me a promise ring. Its beautiful, i love it. ;D. He really liked the pocket watch that i gave him too lol he uses it all the time and whips it out of his pocket like its the coolest thing . Makes me happy .
WE bought a new truck too. So hats better than my van that doesnt start when it rains or frosts or fogs etc. And it isnt all rusted out, and it has a *CD PLAYER* no tape with a chord t my mp3 player anymore!! lol im excied ;D
but its a truck i gope i can drive it well.
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Post by Lianne on Sept 29, 2004 22:05:02 GMT -5
September 29, 2004
As much as i love being in university, i feel really overwhelmed lately, im getting stressed, our first exams are next week and i feel crazy. Money is an issue as well, but that will get itself sorted. I think i am going to just go and pay the remainder of my tuition so that i dont need to worry about keeping it in my account
alex has come and gone, im tired and stressed, yet i cant sleep, i dont know why, i cant well lately.
new great band : Emery
ive just recently heard of them and i really like them. Perfect guitar stuff that i really like and the songs are a decent length.
The New Green Day CD is good too i have to go buy it.Eventually...
Mums birthday on saturday i bought her a sweatshirt that says Lakehead University MOM so i hope she likes it :S
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Post by nancy on Sept 30, 2004 15:24:58 GMT -5
Excellent!! Emery is excellent!! I lvoe the song "Walls" but I almost never get to listen to it, I don't have their CD or anything, but I love what I've heard of them, and I love "The Ponytail Parades." Great song. And yeah, the new GreenDay's pretty cool... I need to buy it too.
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Post by Lianne on Sept 30, 2004 22:53:39 GMT -5
September 30, 2004
IF YOU ARE GOING TO READ THIS PLEASE NOTE THAT I AM EXTREMELY *EXTREMELY * AGGRIVATED.
this BASTARD at work fdgjklfdjg i hate him, he never lets off. treats me like an inferior little child piece of scum off the ground. i am green if anyone reads this
i will prolly remove this later anyways. right now i am too angry and upset to care. i hate him.
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Post by Hermoine on Oct 2, 2004 9:59:31 GMT -5
Oh Li, if I can just say this, don't you dare believe anything he said about you. He doesn't even care to know the wonderful and caring person you truly are. Some people are just downright stupid.
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